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Out, out brief candle!
August 02, 2004 - 11:05 p.m.

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Home again...still not dead. I just feel that way. Oy, did I not sleep well over the weekend.

The wedding was quite nice...though the highlight of the event wasn't part of the plan.

It started at the top of the ceremony when the mothers of the bride and groom tried to light the individual candles from which the "unity candle" would later be lit. C, the mother of the bride, couldn't get her candle to light. It turned out they weren't real...they were oil candles and the one in question had no wick. Every time C tilted it to catch a flame she just spilled oil all over the table.

After what felt like an eternity (especially to this actor) she gave up and took her seat. The groom's single candle burned bright which made a rather disturbing symbol, considering what the whole unity candle thing is supposed to represent.

A few moments later, when M was processing in and all eyes (except mine, I guess) were on her, the wedding coordinator ran up and tried to light the wickless candle. Obviously she couldn't, there being no wick and all. She scurried away as the bride approached the front of the church.

But this was one wedding coordinator who would not be thwarted. During the readings, just before the lighting of the unity candle, she returned carrying a new individual candle. "Good," I thought, "she'll swap it out and on we go."

No...oh, no, that would have been too simple, too clean.

Instead she hunkered down, trying not to be seen. The further "onstage" she went the lower she crouched, until she was on her knees and hidden behind the unity candle table. When M and F turned for the lighting, a disembodied hand rose up from behind the table, holding a lit candle...

At this point I began shaking with stifled laughter.

M took the proffered torch and, with F, lit the unity candle. Like Thing from the Adams Family, the empty hand remained in place, patiently waiting for M to finish. Once M handed the candle back, the hand slowly withdrew.

I nearly choked trying not to laugh.

I never did see the wedding coordinator emerge from hiding...she may be there still, for all I know.

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