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I am stressed...tight jaw, always tired, heart going a mile a minute when sitting still. Oy. Talking with Amy (see also world's most patient, calming and loving girlfriend) I verbally vomited everything that's been on my mind. The longer the list became the more evident it was that here sits a man who's too worried about things he can't control...and even too worried about the ones he can. I suppose it ought not come as a surprise...I'm living a new life in a new city and country, the news from my old country is all bad, the fluctuating exchange rate has shrunk my funds by a couple thousand, I've taken a heavy course load, my future is uncertain and there are half a dozen papers due in the next two weeks. So why am I writing this instead of working on those? Of course I'm also of the "bah, stress...that's a load of nonsense" school of thought. I've never had any sort of stress reaction before, probably because I've been pretty good at avoiding stress...job insecurity notwithstanding, acting is a pretty low-key profession. The end result is me sitting in the bathtub last night, listening to my breath. The exhale was broken into a near laugh by my heartbeat, which was going too fast for someone sitting in a hot bath. So now, of course, I'm worried about my stress. Silly Aaron. Fortunately Amy has perspective enough for both of us, and she calls me back to reality. I'm doing well in my classes, sporting an A in every course for which I can calculate results. After voting there's nothing I can do to stop the insanity in the States or Iraq. The future is just that, the future, and I have plenty to do in the present. I have enough time to write my papers if I just stop freaking out and do it. I've made strong bulls of Bashan out of my various troubles and cares and my heart within my breast does feel a bit like melting wax. (Psalm 22, eh?) Thankfully there's always prayer, a steady element in the midst of too much life. I'll bring a new awareness of my own stress to my conversation with God. |
