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I met Amy, her Mum and her nephew at the CNE yesterday. The CNE, for you non-Ontario types, is the Canadian National Exhibition...a.k.a. the Ex. It's a large exhibition (sort of a state fair, for my Yankee readers) and it takes over a good chunk of the lakeshore every August. Summertime in Toronto features a number of TV commercials in which local dignitaries lose their dignity by singing "Let's go to the Ex" to the tune of "Let's go to the hop." Amy is certain that the Ex has fallen off in recent years. She recalls a time when the food building was full of booths from actual restaurants...as opposed to Pizza Nova booths, Mr. Sub shops and a Swiss Chalet. Nothing against these venerable Canadian franchises, but you can get that sort of fare in a decent food court. The idea used to be that one could sample the menus of unique Toronto restaurants and thus find new and exciting places to take your spouse/date/parents/parish priest. Now it's just seventy-five variations on the fast-food fried potato. Amy's Mum, however, insists that things haven't fallen off since Amy's childhood. Instead she suggests that things have declined since her childhood. She remembers when the Ex was a big deal, when the Automotive Building had sleek new models of the latest cars, rather than more booths hawking cheap nothings. Call me cynical (as many have before) but I think it's likely that there was no Golden Age of the Ex...except from a kid's perspective. Actually, I quite enjoy it. Yes, there are acres of booths selling cheap plastic crap that you don't need and that, until your resistance is lowered by walking around a huge fairgrounds in the hot sun, you'd never want. But I find the enormity of it fascinating, and I even like looking through the piles of gadgets and doodads. It's fun. Certainly the midway is seedy...you've not truly lived until a 12 year old boy has informed you, in a lazy drawl, that "in order to be a winner you got to be a playah." There's an appalling lack of enthusiasm radiating from the midway game operators. They must be given a script that they have to keep repeating, and it must sound better when spoken by someone who's not about to die of ennui. The words are so exciting - "Just one pin and you're a winner! Make one basket, win a prize!" - but when sluggishly forced from the mouth of a surly teenage girl it just makes you want to commit suicide. You'd think that unsuccessfully trying to convince adults to waste $20 winning a $5 stuffed animal for their kids wasn't fun! But still, I like the midway. True, a little goes a long way, but it's a carnival of pain that draws the eye as sure as a twenty-car pile-up. The best part of the Ex is the shows. A human cannonball, trick horseback riding, trampoline and ski-jump stunts, and the crowning event of the Ex...the Superdog show! Sadly this, too, is beginning to show signs of the times. Sporting events used to be pure, but the Superdogs might have to change their name to the Selloutdogs. Every other sentence contains "Eukanuba," the name of the Superdog's sponsoring dog food, and the Superdogs movie was being pushed like crack at a dance club. (It's different when I do it!) Yet even that is part of the fun. It's fun to see how far it can be pushed, how hard they can sell that dog food before the entire concept of a dog show is lost and it becomes one big commercial. But once the show does begin, well...it's very entertaining. Amy's favourite part, and I have to agree, is the choreography that the dog handlers have to carry out for the opening ceremony (for lack of a better term). Intricate footwork and flag waving takes so much concentration that the handling of dogs is somewhat lost. The first few minutes are a chaos of barking and chasing and wagging and drooling...and pooping. Oops. Then the Superdogs are put through their paces. They jump over bars, barrel through barrels and slide down bendy tubes. It's a race of sorts, and the MC usually divides the dogs into two teams, one for each side of the arena. He didn't do it this year, I think because the course was so difficult that none of the dogs managed to do it correctly. The dogs are supposed to be following the commands of their handlers, but a lot of the handlers seemed completely lost, so the dogs just ran around barking and jumping at random. The MC became increasingly snarky as the show progressed...I guess when you go out and sell "the world's most amazing dogs" and then they can't complete your obstacle course you feel a bit foolish. Although they never did manage to complete the obstacle course, the dogs were amazing. There was one, in particular, who must be impossible to keep at home. This dog jumped over a fence that must have been five feet high, and she didn't even look like she was trying. No leaving the dog treats on top of the refrigerator...or on top of the garage, for that matter. If there was nothing else at the Ex, the Superdogs would be worth the price of admission. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go buy some Eukanuba...and I don't even have a dog. |
