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Here I am again, on call at the hospital. This time not for class credit but for cash...we're in the long weekend here in Canada (Happy Canada Day, by the way! For some reason I'd thought that Amy was busy today...I got it into my head that she was rehearsing morning till night. It's not a fanciful possibility, since she's been working nonstop this past week - 9am to 10pm. Oy. It turns out that no, she has today off and I blew the chance to spend it with her by taking this shift. I guess I need the money, but I also need to see my girl. Blast. So, in good CPE fashion, I will name my emotions. Angry - I am angry at myself for losing the day with Amy. Sad - see angry. Happy - that I will be making some money. Our CPE supervisor insists that there are only four emotions - Happy, Sad, Mad and Afraid. Things like "frustrated" or "excited" aren't feelings...they're experiences, under which are actual emotions. Frustration is usually anger, but we never like to say we're angry. Social norms tell us that anger is bad, something to be stifled or ignored or removed. To some extent this is true, so far as angry behaviour is most often anti-social. But there's a difference between having anger and being angry - one is an emotion, a natural part of life, and the other is an attitude and reaction to that emotion. But we tend to get confused and label all anger as negative and "bad," which is a value judgment on emotion, an inherently unhealthy practice. Can you tell that I've had a summer of CPE? There's one, immutable universal truth to CPE - anyone who has done a summer unit will be, without variance, an insufferable bore for up to a year afterward. Either he or she will be puffed up with amateur psychologist CPE-chatter (see above) or will act so sullen about the experience that all the air is sucked out of the room. I plan on being both...insufferably smug about my CPE-fed (created?) insights and, at the same time, wretchedly morose about having lost a summer's worth of relaxation. Am I glad I did CPE? Yes, but grudgingly so. It's not what I'd call "fun," but it is good for me...rather like a summer-long draught of castor oil, which is as good a metaphor for CPE as I think you'll find. |
) and I've taken the opportunity to make some much-needed money.