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I met yesterday with the archdeacon of the Diocese of Niagara to discuss where I've been and where I'm going. She's an interesting combination...a tough, no-nonsense realist (which all archdeacons need to be) but also quite pastoral. It was my first meeting with her, some months ago now, that really decided me for Niagara. Quick note for non-catholic sorts...an archdeacon is a honcho who works on the diocesan level. In most cases, at least in the Anglican Church, it's an oversight role just below bishop. Archdeacons are commonly involved in the postulancy process and, subject to the bishop's OK, in the placement of clergy. Anyhow, we met to go over my CPE evaluations and my internship, and to discuss the next steps in the process. Everything seems to be in order and I'll soon attend the all-important ACPO interview conference. While that's the final major step in the postulancy process, it's no guarantee of ordination. The archdeacon and bishop (not to mention God) still have to decide I'm fit, and there has to be a need - bishops aren't in the habit of ordaining flocks of priests who'll just end up hanging about, unemployed. At least most bishops aren't. That's been a tough concept to communicate to family and non-div friends...that I can be entirely trained and even judged suitable - excellent, even - for ministry but still not be ordained. I suppose the best comparison I can draw, from my own life, is the reality of the actor. You may be a brilliant actor, but if you're not right for the part, or just don't fit into the rest of the cast, no beans. Acceptance as a postulant in a diocese is like being called back after a general audition...there's still no guarantee, but you have to go to the call-back if you want to be cast. It's tempting, both for actors and postulants, to view the process as some kind of competition. I know I did when I wasn't cast and someone I knew (and sometimes knew to be a crap actor) got the role. The difficult thing to remember is that the director or bishop is looking for something that will work with a particular situation. The director needs an actor who can play the role, who will fit into the cast dynamic and with whom she thinks she can work. The bishop needs a priest who is suitable as a religious leader and who will fit into the diocese and into whatever parish happens to be open. Postulancy, like casting, is not a merit system and it's not a science of doing everything "right." It's an art, a process of subtle alchemy. It can seem random and cruel, but trying to figure it out will only drive a person crazy. The best way to cope is to accept that life is life and that some things are beyond our control. That, of course, is easier to say when one seems to be clicking along nicely. Ask me my opinion in a year when the bishop is saying, "No, Aaron, there aren't any spots for you." Equilibrium is a fleeting, fickle thing. |
